


Just an illusion

by Llixale



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Flashback, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-09 21:05:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15276177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llixale/pseuds/Llixale
Summary: Bucky and Sam are back from the Soul stone, unaware that they shared more than the experience of being snapped.





	1. Chapter 1

_Bucky is finally home after one month, two weeks and one day. His mom only changed the sheets otherwise, it’s the exact same bedroom. He observes it for a few minutes, taking in consideration everything that reminds him of his best friend, his brother. The sense of normalcy feels unatural._

_“You still mad at him?” a young and feminine voice asks from behind._

_“No”_

_“Call him Jamie”_

_Bucky bites his lips, he doesn’t want to have yet again another argument with his sister, even if she insist with a “Tell him you miss him” a little too well placed._

_It hurts._

_He won’t pretend otherwise, it does “What about telling him to go fuck himself instead?”_

_He feels her hand on his back, a little too close to where his arm once was. He knows she tries to do well, she has the best intention but it feels unfair to be the one to reach out when the other man purposely avoided him. “Why are you so obsessed with him anyway? Can’t you just drop it?”_

_“You are both miserable!” she answers exasperated._

_“Yeah? Losing your best friend would do that Becca”_

_She may be two years younger than him, she isn’t one to back off when someone has a little too much attitude for her taste “That’s exactly why you should go talk to him. Believe me, he cares about you, more than you know”_

_Bucky feels all of his anger boil under his skin, he turns to look at her “HE NEVER CAME, NOT ONCE!” he can’t hold his tears any longer, pain, frustration and despair all at once “He never…maybe we aren’t friends but we are something. Not once…” He wipes his face only to have more tears coming. He was frustrated as hell during his recovery but he never talked about Sam directly. Never.  His sister did, she knows that Sam is important to Bucky even if her brother doesn’t fully understand it yet. He could swear his remaining arm that Sam was just “a little fucker parasiting his best friend”_

_She knows better._

_Rebecca takes him in her arms, patting his head without touching any of the still sensible scars there. She can’t tell him that Sam did visit Bucky since he made her promise not to. He just stayed in front of the room Bucky was in often. He never gone inside. Why? That was a mystery even for her._

_Sam and Bucky knew each other since a little more than a year at that point, Steve outruned the young black man at a school festival and they had immediately clicked. Friendship at first sight. Unfortunately for Sam, Steve already had a best friend in the person of Bucky Barnes and to them, it was more Disdain at the first sight._

_They agreed on almost nothing and always tried to show Steve that they were better than the other. After a while, they had reached a fragile truce for the sake of Steve Rogers peace of mind. They even had fun sometimes, but not together. Never._

_Still, they were used to the other man presence after a few months and sometimes engage in conversation who didn’t result in insults. Steve was proud._

_Then one night, Bucky’s father took them to see a baseball game in the newly renovated stadium. They had coke and ice cream, Bucky’s father didn’t trust them to drink yet even if they weren’t thirteen anymore, maybe because he never drank himself._

_TIt's a shame, the driver of the other car did._

* * *

 

“How was it for you?” Steve finally asked. They both knew he would ultimately ask that question one day, sooner rather than later, voice full with concern and fear.

They were in Wakanda but not for long, making the last adjustment to go back in the US where they could start a new life and have a home. For the first time, Steve actually felt like he deserved a break. Deserved to live. He still wanted to help, of course, but he didn’t want to be only a tool in a never ending war far bigger than him. If anything, the last years, the last battle, had taught him that he needed to have a life outside of a war-zone.

Bucky had nothing to pack, he had no possessions really. He only was saying goodbye to his goats. He didn’t want to fully tell Steve what happened in the Soul stone. He wasn’t ready.

“Like everyone else, you know”

“Yeah but how was it? Your dream life”

Bucky knows why Steve is asking. It’s as much to see what he can do to provide that life for his best friend as it is to know what they took from him.

Everyone in the Soul stone had their perfect life. They had love, family, fortune and fame, you name it, you have it. That was why victory never felt so bad and a lot of people were resenting the various heroes who defeated Thanos. Well, if you omit a small but important point:

“You weren’t there Steve, which mean it wasn’t all that good” Bucky offered with a sad smile. He means it, he really does.

“I’m sorry”

“I know. You shouldn’t be. At the end of the day, it was an illusion. Even if it was a pretty one, it wasn’t real. I’ll always prefer reality”

Steve tried to let the words convince him but he couldn’t help the frustration. They both knew it wasn’t that easy. They both saw people break down from being back, some of them couldn’t bear to be “here” instead of “there” and took matter in their own hands. Even amongst their friends things hadn’t been smooth.

Especially since they were brought back in the middle of the final battle.

“How is Sam?” Bucky asked, starting to walk to the black car waiting for them.

“I don’t know. Since the battle I…I think he doesn’t want to see us. I think we are loosing him” Steve admits with a rare sadness. He had tried and tried to talk to Sam but the man had disappeared as soon as the battle ended and flew out of Wakanda faster than Thor took to leave Hearth in is spaceship.

Bucky wanted nothing more than reassure his best friend and offers words of wisdom but the truth was, if Sam was living the same kind of life he did, he could understand why he didn’t want to go back to this reality. Even if that meant not seeing a lot of people again. It was hard and maybe it would be better with time but maybe not.

The truth was, he missed Sam. He was missing him like crazy and he couldn’t do anything about it because the Sam he was missing wasn’t the “real” Sam. He felt real, sure, but what they had in the Soul stone was nothing like what they had in real life where is seemed more like acquaintance being around each other’s because of Steve or Natasha than because they wanted to spend time together.

 

They went to the king, T’Challa for goodbyes. He was one of the few to whom the Soul stone world was worse than the reality. The happier you were with your current life, the less tempting the stone’s life seemed. With his sister, mother, and trusted friends here, it left too much of a gap to fill and since he could talk to the spirit of his ancestors anyway, what world could be as good as that?

“I hope next time you come you don’t try to destroy my country again Cap” T’Challa said in front of his family, making Steve red and shameful, starting to profusely apologize before T’Challa starts to laugh and clap his shoulder with a wide grin.

“Oh, it was a joke. I totally get that” he lies, blushing even harder and trying to ignore Shuri’s whispers to her mother.

“You’ll always have a place in Wakanda” T’Challa announce suddenly extremely serious.

Steve and Bucky can’t thank him enough and give the King a warm hug to try to express their gratitude.

“Don’t be a stranger White wolf” Shuri calls him as they leave “Never” he shouts to her, waving from his flesh hand.

 

Then they were gone, Bucky didn’t asked where they were going exactly, trusting Steve to guide them toward their fresh start. All he knew was that they were done Avenging for the time being and it was fine by him, even if he was under no illusion that it would last. As long as they were together, Bucky knew it would be okay.

He felt a little more hopeful and even that small amount of hope was more than what Steve was apparently feeling, judging by his closed face.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asks from where he lays in the jet.

Steve turned to him, looked at his hands, then back to Bucky, pushing a strand of blond hair away from his face “So, technically, I don’t have a place anymore”

“It can’t be hard to find a place to stay Steve, what’s the real problem?”

Bucky is happy to have that kind of conversation with his best friend, it seems mundane and he likes it.

“I was thinking that maybe, we know someone with a place we could both stay in, not for long but just enough to get back on our feet”

“I swear Steve, you better not be talking about Stark” Bucky warned, not remembering Steve and Tony setting their different even with a world-ending battle. Tony didn’t tried to kill them and Steve just said nothing to him. It was fine but not cordial.

“No, God, no” he quickly answers, simply looking at his hands again, a nervous reflex, everybody could read his body language as someone who was about to tell you something unpleasant. Bucky doesn’t add anything, just waits for his friend to talk when he is ready.

There's only silence when they get out of the jet not far from Washington DC. He still doesn’t say anything when a car is waiting for them and Steve decides to drive. Then, they got in a residential area he never put a foot in before and it’s around 6:40pm when they stop. Steve is so nervous Bucky feels obligated to finally speak “Maybe we should go to a hotel?”

“No, it’s…we don’t leave one of our own behind”

“What are you even talking about?” Bucky asks confused. Is this Termite Boy home? No, wait, Ant Man. Scott Lang. But as far as he knows, Scott Lang idolize Steve. Why would he be nervous about going to Scott?

“Wait for me here, I’m not going to be long”

Bucky doesn’t know what to answer to that so he lets Steve get out of the car, try to get his hair under control, straighten and walks toward a house to knock on the door.

The door opens and from where he is, Bucky can’t see who this is, Steve and his large back are blocking the view. All he knows is that the door stay opens and whoever is inside doesn't care to try to look at the car he is in. Steve comes back, opens the door and say “Let’s go” with a smile.

He walks behind Steve and enter the house, closing behind him. The second he is inside, a familiar sensation hits him and puts him on alert. He never went here before and is sure of it. He stays where he is, while Steve takes his shoes off, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He doesn’t need to ask where they are, because he can almost feel it and is proven right when the other man comes back to them, inviting them in the living room.

“Hey Bucky” Sam says without looking at him.

It takes a lot of willpower not to close the distance and take the man in his arm. He wants him close. Closer than they ever were in reality.

“Can I talk to you Steve?”

Bucky drags Steve (shoeless) outside, whispering with urgency “What the hell man?”

“What are you doing? What’s the problem?”

Steve is confused. Bucky keeps looking behind him to make sure Sam isn’t listening to them.

“We can’t stay here” he announces.

“What? Why?”

Bucky looks once again at the door, how could he convince Steve without revealing what happened to him in the Soul stone? He can’t say that now, not here, not so close to Sam Wilson. He could just say that he agrees and run in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t be unheard of coming from him. Yeah, sounds like a good plan.

The shift in his face is instantaneous, being here is torture and he isn’t up for that.

“Forget it, let’s go”

He walks back toward the door, aware that there’s no way in the word Steve isn’t overanalyzing what just happened and would let it go. It doesn’t help that once face to face with Sam he deflect with a small lie “Can you believe he didn’t tell me we were about to visit you? I would have brought something, I hate coming unannounced and empty handed”. He gives Sam a smile and he can see the man froze at that, making the smile die quickly.

“It’s okay…stay as long as you want” he offers before quickly retreating.

Bucky starts to take off his shoes too, giving a quick look at Steve who shakes his head at him.

“What?” Bucky hisses in the same whispering he did outside.

“Nothing” he shrugs, walking past him to where Sam disappeared.

 

The evening was quiet, Sam was catching up with his friends and family after showing them (well, mainly Bucky) the house. He seemed of. Several times, Bucky saw an emptiness in his eyes he never saw in that Sam. He did, however, saw it in the one he “knew” in the Soul stone and more often than not, when they were talking about people they lost.

Bucky might not be the most insightful person but it was clear that whatever Sam lived was still affecting him now. Bucky knows Steve sees it too. He decides to let Steve handle it, surely Sam would talk to him more easily than to Bucky.  Somehow, that simple fact hurts a little. 

Things could be different, after all, it didn’t start that good between them in the stone too.

 

The next day, Sam was outside all morning to go see his sister and Steve had let Bucky alone in the house with a simple “Gonna be back soon”. Since he doesn’t have anything to do besides exploring and looking at the TV, he starts by going around in the neighborhood. He can’t help but be suspicious of some of the people he sees around and notes to investigate further later. Once he is back, he looks at all the open rooms in Sam’s house with the exception of his bedroom. He notices randomly that at some point, he started smiling, reveling in the familiarity of a place he still doesn’t really know yet, some of the decorations or clothes, even some pictures are exactly how they were in the Soul stone.

How can these things exist here if he never saw them before? He was almost sure the world was created differently for everyone. He pauses as he notices a brown polo on the top of the clothes ready to get washed. He looks around him as if to make sure nobody suddenly materialized themselves next to him then takes it.

In the Soul stone, this was the top Sam was wearing the day he asked Bucky on a date for the first time. To find it here…Bucky was confused. Too many things were reminding him of what he lost. He just kept the polo closer and closer until he allowed himself to smell it, to feel a fake closeness to the man he had discover.

“It wasn’t real” he repeats to himself, several time, sliding along the door, head in the dirty polo. He doesn’t know if he will have the strength to stay but he guess Steve is looking for other living arrangement options anyway. He just needs to keep it together a little longer. He can't just leave now.

Sam is the first one to come back from his errands. He jumps when Bucky gets out of the bathroom and by reflexes, tries to punch him. Bucky blocks it and they stay like that for a moment, both looking at they joined hand.

“Sorry, you scared me” Sam says, getting his hand back.

“You should try to aim for my knee instead of my face”

“Riiiight, I’ll try to do that next time you decide to imitate Vision”

There’s silence, once again. Sam wasn’t awkward like that before. What if the “Bucky” of his world had been a bad man? What if all he was in Sam’s version was the Winter soldier? Why would he be the Winter Soldier in Sam perfect world? What if he wanted to get rid of him?

“Can I ask you something? Something personal”

Sam doesn’t seems so sure of himself when he answers “shoot” but it doesn’t stops Bucky.

“Was I in your version? I mean, you know”

Sam laughs to himself, apparently thinking about it “Yes, you were, surprisingly”

“Did I hurt you? Again, I mean”

Sam takes his sweet time to answer, looking Bucky in the eye the whole time and barely blinking “Why are you asking me this? What happened in the Soul stone wasn’t real anyway and wasn’t it kind of our perfect life minus the people who weren’t snapped? Was I in your version?”

Bucky doesn’t understand why Sam is so defensive, it almost looks like a tentative to deflect. Almost. And that’s exactly what Bucky can’t stop himself to say before the words leave his mouth.

“Yes you were, and that’s funny, you did that kind of thing too, deflecting when you didn’t want to answer a simple question”

Bucky can see shock, fear and anger in a rapid succession on Sam’s face. There’s definitely something weird about him and his reactions.

“You don’t know me”

“Maybe I don’t” Bucky says walking past him to walk toward the kitchen, but not before dramatically look behind him, hair moving along and add “But maybe I do”

He felt proud of himself when he saw Sam gape in return.

 

When Steve came back, he had four giant bags of groceries. Bucky knew there was a reason for that but before he could ask, Sam joined them and pointed at the bags “What is this for?”

“So, uh, you see…” Steve starts, face just a little red “I was thinking, you’re kind of lonely here…”

“Am I?” Sam asks tilting his head a little.

“And you’re not actually feeling so good since you’re back”

“I don’t?”

“So I thought it would be a great idea to live together, in a kind of not so temporary way”

“You did?”

Steve stops, looking at Sam to try to decipher if his approach had been a good one or not. He turns to Bucky for help, unaware of the little scene that happened between his two friends previously.

“Uh Steve, you could, I don’t know, ask if I want to stay here in the first place” Bucky hisses. Instead of Steve looking guilty he has the face of someone who doesn’t feel any remorse and wonder why his friend is trying to act as if he didn’t want to be here in the first place. Bucky turns to Sam “Do you even want us to stay with you? Because we can go if you want, no hard feelings”

“Ok then go” Sam answers as soon as the last word left Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky raises an eyebrow. Obviously, Steve wasn’t expecting that answer since he drops his bags on the ground. If Sam wants them gone, then they will go, it’s as simple as that. The last thing he wants its being somewhere he is unwanted.

“Come on Steve, let’s get out of here”

In the small moment it took him to look at Sam then back at Steve, the whole face of his best friend changed to something harder. He knew, even before Steve open his mouth that he was going for a confrontation.

“Sam, I let you leave Wakanda without us but I won’t leave you alone right now. I have the distinct memory of you talking about how, sometimes, going back from a traumatic experience  can put you in a dark place, so aren’t you going to follow your own advice? And I really think that you are not okay. I don’t pretend to be able to help you but I don’t want to turn my back when you, of all people, need it. You want us gone? Okay, I’ll just come here every day anyway” He looks at Bucky “Oh and Buck’, don’t pretend you don’t want to be here, I know something is up between you two so there’s no need to act like you got a better place to be”

Bucky blinks several time, trying to understand why his best friend is attacking him too.

“I just need time”

“Time for what?” Steve asks immediately, it’s so obvious that he wants Sam to talk to them, he doesn’t even try to be subtle.

“Time to forget how it was in that fucking stone. I had a whole other life Steve, I had my father, I had Riley, I had…” he strangles himself with the last word, putting a hand in front of his mouth as if to prevent something else to get out. He is visibly shaking.

Bucky couldn’t forget that he is not the Sam he knows but damn, it’s so painful to see him like this, the need to comfort him is irresistible. He walks straight to him, taking him in his arms, one on his back, the other on his neck. There’s not a moment where Sam hesitate, instead, hugging back with all of his body.

“Come on doll, you don’t have to hide your pain. You don’t have to forget what you’ve been through either. You’re the Falcon right? So rise”

“You’re so corny” Sam managed to say half laughing, half crying.

“You love it”

That’s the moment Sam stiffen in his arms. They separate slowly and he can see Sam shake his head quickly, chasing whatever was in his head and offering a tired smile. 

“Well Steve, let’s do it your way, mi casa es su casa so you and Braveheart right here better start to pay rent, now let’s see want you brought” he say walking toward the bags “Oh, I like melon”

Steve and Bucky share a look but don’t say anything else on that subject, helping Sam with the groceries instead.

 

 

All in all, the cohabitation was going on pretty smoothly. After two weeks, they had find a rhythm. Everything seemed okay as long as nobody mentionned what happened in the other reality. Bucky was finding the opposite reaction of Steve and Sam hilarious. While Sam would change the subject as soon as possible, Steve would go back to it at every opportunities.

“Who cares? It wasn’t REAL” Sam said exasperated for the third time that day.

“If it doesn’t matter, then why don’t you talk about it?” Steve repeated again.

“Because there is something I don’t want you to know! Fuck!”

“HA!” Steve points with a triumphant look.

They were both on Sam’s couch while Bucky was at the table, reading one of Sam’s book. At least, he pretended to read and it was the first time that Sam admitted that he wanted to hide something. Steve had been restless and unfortunately, he had a nose to know when something “needed” to be exposed. He bugged Bucky plenty too, almost making him regret the time he was more careful with him and kind of scared of upset him. Almost.

“Okay, if I tell you something, will you stop  harassing me with your dumb question?”

Steve was glowing, nodding with excitement.

“I was in a relationship, with a man” Sam confesses.

“Yeah, okay, I know you are gay, this is not brand new information”

Well, it kind of was to Bucky because at no point did Sam and him talked about attraction in real life. Yeah, the Sam of the Soul word wasn’t straight but was he supposed to assume that “THE” Sam wasn’t too?

He took a deep breathe “Yeah but the gag is, it’s someone we know, BUT I WON’T TELL YOU WHO” he quickly shouts, throwing himself on Steve to block his mouth with his hand “do you understand? No more questions” he insists, with his eyes bulging until Steve agrees.

Still, when he let Steve free, the man almost visibly radiates excitement.

“I bet by tomorrow night, he will have asked you the name, Wilson.” Bucky said eyes on the book.

“Hey! Sam said he didn’t want me to ask the question so I won’t ask” Steve defends himself, outraged.

“Yeah, you will find a way, even if you don’t “ask a question” we all know it” Bucky teases, with a smile. Steve loves some good old loopholes and he knows it. The blond blushes and look away while Sam shakes his head.

If he is being honest, Bucky wants to know too. What if…no, he shouldn’t think about it but…what if Sam and the Bucky of his world…”Fuck, Stop” he thinks to himself, knowing he is on a slippery slope with that kind of daydreaming. He tries, he swear he tries not to let that information get the best of him but in the following days, it seems like he can’t escape Sam. Of course, living with him makes the whole “don’t be around him too much” a lot more complicated.

The worst thing is that when he gives in the temptation of trying to actually get closer to Sam and getting to know him in the hope that the differences between “his” Sam and the “real” one would knock some sense into his head, it doesn’t work.

Like, at all.

There’s so much similitude that the line are getting blurred a little more each day. One of the weird things are that sometimes, it’s Sam who is looking for his presence. He always gets an excuse to be around Bucky without actually saying that he wants to be around him. Bucky notices after three days when Steve comments on how happy he is to be with his best friends and that they seems to appreciate each other a lot more lately.

“He had to ruin it” Bucky thinks bitterly when Sam starts to put more distance again. It’s so sudden and not subtle at all that Bucky can’t help but wonder what Sam’s problem with him really is. So he investigate, test Sam to understand what the limit with him is and after a week he understands that Sam around other people and Sam when he is only with Bucky isn’t exactly the same person.

The “Sam” Bucky gets when no one is around is “his” Sam minus the physical contacts but the jokes, the looks, the smiles, the way he makes sure Bucky got everything he needs without looking like he cares…it’s his Sam.

This is so fucked up, Bucky doesn’t sleep that night. He thinks about the terrifying power of the Soul stone. How many life did that thing messed up? How many people came back wondering why they weren’t with their dream partner when they could see them every day?

Bucky doesn’t know what is scarier: That the feelings he had weren’t real, were all manufactured by the stones or that he actually has feelings for Sam Wilson, the real one.

He doesn’t want to be in love with Sam if it’s just an echo of what he was feeling in the Soul stone. He doesn’t want to be in love if it would have never happened without Thanos.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Someone knocks on Bucky’s door so loudly he almost drop his wine. “Who’s that?” he wonders with a scowl. He was ready to look at something stupid on Netflix and like the messy gay that he was, had his bottle of Chardonnay ready with two avocado toast because he was keeping it healthy even with his old loose grey jogging and royal blue top._

_It was “me time” so maybe he should just pretend not to be here._

_“Barnes” he hears from the other side of the door._

_Sam Wilson. “Fuck”. He gets up reluctantly, put his best “you are bothering me face” and opens._

_Sam is…radiant. His haircut and goatee feels freshly done, he must have been to the barber Bucky notices right before looking at his brown polo. The polo itself seems to have a nice fabric, something reminding him of suede. The way it hugs Sam’s body is illegal. The arms are pumped and the nipples are saying hello. He spend too much time fixing Sam’s torso, he doesn’t even try to look at his pants._

_“You wanted to date me uh? This is your chance, you have…” he looks at his phone then put a timer for Bucky to see “half an hour starting now to get ready”_

_Bucky looks at him in silence for a few seconds. “I beg you pardon?”_

_“Go, get, ready, Barnes”_

_“Nodoby wants to date you here Wilson, have you bumped your head or something?”_

_“Twenty height minutes” Sam announces unbothered._

_“Are you fucking serious right now? Do you think I’m going to drop what I’m doing for you?”_

_“I called Maria, she said you were doing nothing and judging by that white wine on your table, she was right”_

_Bucky almost growls, Sam looks like Mona Lisa with a mysterious smile and eyes that are following him, “twenty six”_

_“I hate you”_

_Sam shrugs. He seems totally unaffected. Bucky takes a step away from him, going back to his glass._

_“twenty five”_

_He finishes his glass in one go, do many obscene gestures to Sam while walking slowly toward the bathroom. As soon as he is sure to not be seen, he rushes to prepare himself, brushing his teeth under the shower, combing his hair while choosing a fresh boxer, putting perfume before he has a t shirt on._

_“Three minutes!” Sam calls._

_Bucky appears, ready and looking ready to snap someone’s neck. Sam looks at him “You’re beautiful” he says._

_Bucky’s anger evaporate. It’s the first time Sam really gives him a compliment. It shouldn’t feel like that. So good. It shouldn’t make him feel so happy and yet…_

_They don’t talk on their way to, Bucky doesn’t even know”, but once they are out of Sam’s car, they have to walk another ten minutes before arriving in front of a small red building, the doors are closed._

_“Opening soon”_

_Sam was frozen in front of the restaurant.  Bucky started laughing and he laughed even harder when Sam walked to the door to try to open it himself._

 

 

* * *

 

 

He gets up after hours in a bed too empty and cold for him, not caring about what time it is. He can hear someone in the kitchen before entering and of course, it’s Sam. He doesn’t look at him, just gets tenser before taking a deep breath and resume his coffee making. The other acknowledgment is that he gets another cup and maybe it’s random but its Bucky’s favorite. “Don’t read too much into it” he thinks, walking to get a spoon only to have Sam suddenly right in front of him, getting it for him and passing it in silence. In fact, Sam is preparing Bucky’s coffee like he would in the Soul world. Black with half a sugar. Which is weird since he only took sugar in the Soul stone, never in reality.

“Sugar?” Bucky asks surprised.

“You only take sugar when you can’t sleep and wake up at ungodly hours” Sam answers easily.

“Yes, but only in the stone. I don’t do that in reality” Bucky says, unable to keep some sort of accusation out of his voice.

Sam stops, turns to Bucky, shrugs “Dunno man, do you want it or nah?”

Bucky put the coffee away, walking to Sam until he is practically touching him. Something has been off since they are back. Maybe he’s about to do something stupid but maybe it’s worth the risk. He lean into Sam space, if it wasn’t for the man holding his own cup in front of his chest, they would be touching.

“Don’t” Sam breathes, eyes closed.

“What?”

“Don’t kiss me” he says, opening his eyes and looking at Bucky. His free hand is on Bucky’s chest, not pushing him exactly but it could be.

Bucky put his hands in the air, walking back with the smile of a winner despite not having kissed the man at all “It wouldn’t be the first time you know?” he announces with pride.

Sam took a sip of coffee, not looking surprised at all “Quit playing man, whatever happened in your dream wasn’t real. The dead are staying dead and the life we got was fabricated. Let it go”

“You know, that’s funny because you love when I play with you” Bucky answers with a suggestive tone and look.

He swears, Sam is blushing, his skin can be as dark as the night, he would still be able to tell.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Bucky looks him from head to toe, biting his lips “Yes, you do” he turns around, get his cups and walk out before Sam tries to assassinate him in cold blood.

 

The next day, Bucky doesn’t even hide that he wants to get under Sam skin, always getting in his space or trying to get his attention. He can see Sam trying hard not to react or show that he is bothered.

“Bucky, stop messing with Sam” Steve warns without a pause, still playing Mario Kart with concentration.

“I am not messing with him, I just want to get my head in his lap” Bucky answers, trying to move Sam arms while he tries to get to the first place. Each time Sam act like he is actually going to allow Bucky to put his head where he wants to, he returns to his initial position, blocking the poor man. “Come on Sam, please”

“Do I look like a pillow?”

“You’re comfy, I know it” Bucky complained.

“Is that a compliment?” Sam said just when he was finishing second, Steve right behind him.

“YES!” taking advantage of the pause in the game, he lift Sam arm and install himself like the human raccoon that he is.

He even has the audacity to sight with contentment.

“You never put your head in my lap” Steve noticed with just the right amount of pouting.

“You can come collect your boy” Sam propose, lifting his arms as Bucky turns to look at him with puppy eyes “What?”

“Why are you so cold with me? I’m trying here Sam”

“The question is, what are you trying to do exactly? Where are you going Steve?”

Steve was up and ready to leave “I think you need some space, together”

“Why? We got nothing to hide” Sam says with a smile, putting his controller away, Steve crosses his arms on his chest, taking the time to look at the two of them.

“Are you having sex together?”

Sam gets up so quickly he almost knocks Bucky away. He is joined by him right after, both are looking at Steve as if he just lost his mind.

“Why would you said that?”

“Who is fucking who now?”

Steve points at Sam then at Bucky, then does a really obscene gesture with his hands. “That or you were together in the Soul stone and you are trying to act as if it weren’t the case” he shrugs.

Sam starts to laugh, loudly and widely, pointing at Steve, looks at Bucky, back to Steve still laughing his ass off but after three minutes of silence from his friends, the laugh dies “Wow” he simply says, giving a smile at Steve who shake his head and starts walking away “you should talk”

 

* * *

 

 

_Bucky wakes up to the feeling of being kissed on his chest. His hand starts to caress the head against him, notifying that he was now awake to his lover._

_Awake._

_A strange work to describe his state. Yeah, he was “awake” in more way than one and he hated that that was one of the first thought of the morning. He hugs Sam with more strength, secretly trying to keep everything to memory, every details of how it feels to have him in his arms. The second he felt the breath on his nipple, he knows what Sam wants. He doesn’t have to say anything for Bucky to give him more access and start the day with waves of pleasure._

_Eyes still closed, he focuses everything on the mouth and tongue dancing on his sensitive zone. He never bite, Sam knows Bucky doesn’t like that, he sucks with just the right amount of pressure to make Bucky unintentionally spread his legs._

_Damn, he is already hard and leaking. Sam has that effect on him._

_He uses his hand to touch him too, doesn’t hesitate to grab his dick. Sam sleep in the nude, Bucky loves that._

_He lets his lover explore his body with his mouth, his touch, he let his eyes closed as Sam pushes him gently on his back. He wants to be in charge today, Bucky doesn’t see any problem with that. The only direction he gives is when he feels ready to burst and stops Sam who seems particularly motivated today. Sam says between kisses on his cock “So? Cum. I’ll make you hard again”_

_Bucky scoffs, knowing full well that Sam would do it. Still, he doesn’t want to end so soon. He doesn’t even have tasted him yet. It’s hard to think and protest when a mouth explore his balls and his tights, before flipping him. Sam doesn’t eat his ass today, he decides to almost make a pool of saliva on his hole and he feels dirty in all the right ways when he feels his dick rub again and again against his entrance. It amazes him, how Sam can make his whole body want him to the point where lube can almost feel accessory. He doesn’t need to do any preparation other than letting the head of his cock come and go, putting some tension and add more saliva until his dick his coated too and, feeling that he is about to enter, Bucky grabs one of his arm._

_His body is ready, it hurts only a second and Sam managed to enter almost entirely in one go. It’s the last inch the worse/better, Bucky moans loudly, open his eyes as his breath is becoming shorter and more intense. Sam has one hand on his ass, the other on his back describing strange patterns._

_Bucky gives his signal by moving his butt “Yeah babe, like that” Sam encourage him. He feels so full, connected to Sam in a way he can’t describe. He gets on all four, allowing Sam to fuck him while jerking him off. He knows his lover wants to see him cum so he isn’t surprised when Sam flips him again and kiss him, be damned morning breath and all, Sam wants him with the good and not so shiny parts. When the dick enters him again, he arches from pleasure and spread his ass himself to give even more access to Sam “You’re so sexy Buck, you know that?” Sam says right before cumming inside him. The pumping feeling send him over the edge and he keep Sam right here for a few seconds as he comes back from his orgasm. He touches his cheek, a second suspended in time. Sam leaving his hole makes his dick twitch and reveals one last drop of the white liquid on his belly. Sam, deliberately slowly, passes a finger in his sperm and taste him._

_“You’re so nasty” Bucky says half laughing._

_“You are delicious, what can I say?”_

_He doesn’t hesitate to lay on top of Bucky to kiss him again. He wouldn’t have guesses Sam would be the more sexually liberated of the two. He still wasn’t used to it now._

_“Come on, I need to go to the restroom” Bucky says, trying to free himself._

_“No need, I’m going to block the exit myself” Sam whispers against his neck and Bucky wants to protest but guess who decided to come back alive? “Looks like you agree for a round two”_

_All in all, Bucky doesn’t complain. He wants nothing more than stay all day in bed with Sam. They can make it as dirty as they wants, it’s not like they will need to clean it up after._

_They have been silent for a few minutes, Sam with his head on his chest, Bucky looking at the ceiling “You okay?”_

_Bucky doesn’t answer right away but finally nods “Yeah and hungry”_

_Sam looks at him and smile before getting up. The knot in Bucky’s chest grows stronger as the time passes, he finds himself in Sam’s space a lot more than usually. Afraid of having him out of his sight maybe. “I forgot my Ipad in the car, coming back” Sam says, grabbing the keys before going at the door of their house. He turns to Bucky, sadness in his face “I love you Bucky”_

_Bucky knows it’s time. It’s the last time._

_“I love you Sam” he answers, and when Sam opens the door, a blinding light forces him to close his eyes. He feels his body vibrate violently._

_“Goodbye”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What’s going on with him?” Sam asks still smiling before noticing that Bucky is kind of paler than usual. He is biting his lips, taping on his knee with his fingers.

“I was dating you, in the stone. I loved you even. The life I had was so different from my past…I…It wasn’t making sense but now…It was you, right? It really was you. Not just an image like the others, you were with me there”

Bucky sees Sam take two steps away slowly like he was a dangerous animal, or maybe it was him traying his hardest not to flee and that was the compromise his body agreed on.

“No way… It can’t be, come on Bucky, everyone else was separated, just because we have some similarities…”

“Steve died in an accident at fourteen and you stopped talking to me for six years. When you got your head out of your ass, I punched you because I missed you for too long and I was pissed. You wore that brown polo I KNOW you got when you asked me out. The day we were brought back, when you left because you were supposed to go to work, you kissed me and you were crying. I thought it was the Soul stone way of telling me that they knew I was about to leave but it was because you thought I was the fake right?”

Sam stood there, looking at Bucky with tears falling. He tried to calm himself, wiping furiously at his eyes, breathing hard while pacing. He was thinking about everything hard, glaring at the other man every few seconds.

“Well…Fuck”

“Yeah...” Bucky says, because at that point, what are they supposed to do?

Sam sits back where he was before, facing Bucky, looking at him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“We were different people Buck, we…I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel anymore, I don’t know what to do, I know nothing”

“…”

“…”

“Jon Snow”

“Oh no you didn’t…” he gasps.

“You were the one insisting on showing me that show. Now you must suffer the consequences no matter what reality we are living in”

Sam tries hard not to laugh, making warning faces, while Bucky just bat his eyelashes at him. It would be so easy, get closer to Sam, put his head on his chest, like they did in that stone. Except it’s not that simple.

“You’re right, we were different people and we didn’t have the same history at all. I don’t have the answers Sam. All I know is that you kind of caught my eyes before the snap and living with you was one of the best stupid decision Steve got in his entire life”

Sam eyes are shining, Bucky could swear he can see stars in them, right before Sam grabs him and kiss him “I miss you so much Bucky” he kisses him again, the mouth, the cheek, his eyes…he stops just to look at him before sitting again “Sorry, it was just so hard not to touch you” he closes his eyes “Maybe we should take things slow, see if it works?”

Bucky nods, all while getting up only to sit on Sam lap “Yeah, let’s do it slow” he say before capturing Sam’s mouth in a passionate kiss. He is restraining himself so much he is shaking. The noises Sam is making are driving him crazy, he knows Sam wants more, he can feel it too, rocking his hips against his crotch, hands on his tights getting higher on his hips then grabbing his ass.

It feels even better than he remembers. His mouth, his hands, his body, Bucky wants more. Sam put his head against his chest, hugs him tight. He caresses his head, the back of his neck.

“It’s going to be hell” Sam whispers.

Bucky answers by kissing his forehead once more.

“Well that conversation went well” Steve said, appearing at the door. Bucky fears that Sam will run to hide but he doesn’t, staying here with Bucky all over him and only moving to give Steve a thumb up “I’ll go tomorrow, I know people who have a free bedroom” he announces, going in the kitchen to take a glass of water.

Bucky immediately jump from Sam to follow him but before he can ask what the hell Steve thinks he’s doing, Sam beat him “Why?”

“I think it’s obvious” he answers not sounding bitter but only stating a fact.

“Oh, so now you want to leave? You invited yourself and you think you can disinvite your ass whenever you want uh?” Sam asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Sam…”

“I don’t want you to go. If our…uh…evolving relationship with Bucky makes you uncomfortable, and I understand that, then I don’t want you to be in an awkward position. But if you’re leaving because you think I don’t want you here, then…don’t. You know what I mean?” Sam had started with confidence but ended a little unsure.

“But don’t be shocked when you’ll hear us have amazing sex day and night” Bucky add with a gigawatt smile just before Sam hit his ribs “totally worth it”

Steve shakes his head “Well, so if, hypothetically I start frequenting someone, do I have the right to have amazing sex here too?”

Sam and Bucky start laughing at him at the exact same time, making him blush.

“You know what, the simple fact that you think you can be amazing at sex is hilarious” Bucky says while holding on Sam.

“Depends who it is, can I see?” Sam asks before Bucky hit him back too with a warning look and no laugh at all “Totally worth it” he repeats way too proud of himself.

 

 

Explaining to Steve (and Natasha because she wanted to know too) what their life were like in the stone had been kind of freeing. From the initial jealousy each of them felt toward the other because of their friendship to Steve to growing apart, from their first job to their first date, it was a ride. In a way, it was like speaking about some old friends. It didn’t quite felt like them and they could distinct a lot of things they would have addressed differently if they had been entirely themselves from the go.

Natasha had asked if they were together now and both of them answered “no”, right before Bucky pulled Sam closer to him and kissed his neck.

They were in their own bubble for a few days but life was going on. They were surprised by Steve not feeling a hard need to go back to the field. Sure, he helped Natasha if asked but that was it. He wanted to go to school and was trying to convince Bucky that he should too.

“Yeah, and we could have our first sexy time at your graduation” Sam had joked.

“Which will let me time to practice with a training buddy” Bucky answered dryly.

“You’re so funny”

“Or maybe I can go do some shopping and you can finally fuck and stop that stupid “no sex” policy you have when you already told me you had plenty of that in the stone” Steve cut, rolling his eyes at his friends.

“Oh my god Steve!” Sam said, putting a hand on his chest “we would never!”

“Never!” Bucky agreed, coming behind his non-boyfriend and putting his hand under his shirt.

“Never ever” Sam said, his hand going straight into the back pocket of Bucky’s jean.

Steve rolled his eyes again, simply showing his hand palm open, waiting for the car keys. Of course, Bucky was the one retrieving them from Sam front pocket.

“Okay, maybe we should actually follow his advice for once” Bucky proposed, nipping at Sam’s earlobe, making him chuckle and make an appreciative sound.

“PLEASE DO” Steve shouts for everyone to know, already walking away from so much lust. The sexual tension between the two was suffocating sometimes but he knew better than reduce their relationship to only physical attraction.

They had found each other despite time, space and dimension, he couldn’t felt more proud.


End file.
